Check out this fabulous gift HB3 sent me direct from Sweden. The copper wires are truly soothing.
I am having a hard time explaining the ink stains running down my cheeks...

Murals are cool. A mural with a giant squid is awesome. A mural containing a giant squid painted by J.J. from Good Times is the ultimate...

His name is Lester. Just look at him. He is the cutest creature on the face of the earth. Like a little ball, so spiny, I just want to squeeze him! Little beady eyes, soft white belly, I’d take him over a cat or dog any day. All I need is a plexi-glass box with some holes in it and some tasty wood shavings. So nocturnal, he’ll sleep all day.

This is a blast from the past (ca 1991?) of my days working retail at Coconuts Music and Video. The manager was none other than one T. Vasil. You might that think to be in your early 20s and working in a record store would be cool, but not in this case. The shopping center was only frequented by the very old, very weird and those missing a chromosome or two. The claim to fame of the Cermak Plaza was the car spindle featured in movie Wayne ’s World. Coconuts was located next to a grocery store, so often an old person would come in and ask if we had garlic and/or meat and such (!?) We would kindly respond ‘No, get the hell out of here.’ Anyway the stories from Coconuts could fill up at least 20 pages in my lock-n-key diary.

 

One xmas story of note was the time that Tim almost punched me and co-worker Ray for playing the album ‘Holiday Sing Along With Mitch’ by Mitch Miller & His Orchestra over the store PA/sound system. Tim told us to stop playing the tape because it was very irritating to him (first mistake). This was during the worst of xmas rush time, people everywhere, not enough people to cover the floor and registers. So whenever Tim went in back to take care of some Coconut business Ray or I would put Mitch Miller back on. Side note: Ray would hide in the bathroom for 30 minutes at a time when the store got busy; genius. The song that broke the camel's back was 'Must Be Santa' (I've posted the entire song for your review - listen to it all day at work to simulate the experience). A piercing sing-a-long equivalent of a car alarm all night or listening to Fran Drescher speak. Poor Tim was working the register taking care of idiot customers. ‘Must Be Santa’ was blaring in all its hateful-grating-rhyming-sing-a-long glory. ‘Cap on head, suit that's red, special night, beard that's white’ and so on and so on… At the ‘tipping point’ he snapped and ripped the tape out of the player in a fury and told us something to the effect that he was serious about us not playing it. Ray and I looked remorseful and scared for a bit then went off and giggled like little bitches. Years later I bought the sing along tape for Tim as a xmas gift, but he returned it, along with a tape of Queen Flash Gordon soundtrack I had also bought him.

 

I leave will this blog entry open to any comments Tim has to add…

 

Hey P&MBYG Readers, this is Tim, as portrayed above. Pete gave me access to his blog to tell my side of the story. I'm just here to say he's 100% correct in his portrayal of both Coconuts and "Santagate:

 

A little more on Cocunuts- Pete neglects to mention that we worked there at perhaps the darkest moment of American popular music. CDs were just coming out in their long box glory and the cassingle was alive and well. The top acts of the day were New Kids On The Block and Milli Vanilli- Pete and I heard a million variations on these names by grandmothers buying them for their grandkids. And we had to wear dress shirts and ties. It was not the hip record store you see in the movies. It was Payless Shoes, except you didn't wear the shoes we sold, you listened to them. With your ears, not your feet.

 

So with that in mind, and the fact that I had a college degree working at a Coconuts full time (Pete was still in school, working part time), maybe you can understand why a Christmas song could drive me into a fit of rage. Maybe not. I'm much calmer now, which is a good thing for everyone. Pete and Ray sent me a few steps up the bell tower that day, but then I stopped and listened to that jackass song (as it kept running through my head) and realized I need to chill out, take a few deep breaths, and not let stuff like that get me so angry.

 

At this Xmas in question (I really thought it was the same year, maybe it was the following year), I did return both tapes, something I still feel bad about. I almost never return gifts. I wasn't ready to embrace Mitch Miller and his corny glory, and liking Queen (especially their soundtrack work) wasn't ironically acceptable yet. Pete was so excited about giving it to me, and I had a moment of quiet rage as I looked at both cassettes. I have no idea what I got in return for those tapes- I'm sure I enjoyed it at the time, but I remember what I brought back, and not what I got in return, which doesn't seem right.

 

So, let my tale be a warning to you all- in the hectic days around the holidays, don't let something like a corny song or a bad shopping experience send you off the deep end. Enjoy the festive spirit of the season. Save your rage for January, where it will get buried under the monotony of everyday life and will never make it onto anyone's blog.

 

And that's how I learned the true meaning of Christmas.

 

I used to love Black Cat firecrackers.  They are the best.

To be honest if I was going to protest, start fires, and cause general mayhem it wouldn't be over a political cartoon. It would be over the Family Circus.

About a year ago I saw some reviews of a Family Circus book (I Had a Frightmare!) on Amazon. They contained genius insight into the Bill Keane masterpiece. However, they were removed becuase they were totally made up and offensive. Luckily my buddy Mike (not Mike Bath of "Pete and Mike Blog You Good", he no longer even pretends to possibly someday put in a blog entry, but I digress) saved the html and presented it to me (and now you) in pdf form.

If you dig it, here are more horribly inappropriate variations of the FC.

Priced at $199.00 these won't last long.  Super-happy-fun-time-number-one-guitar-festival!!! http://www.fenderhellokitty.com/

The Red Button has been installed in my guitar.  This modification was performed by JTE in less than 15 minutes.  The Button is a red-springy-square-switch from Radio Shack that creates a short in my signal.  The effect on the sound can be heard here in this wanky 2 minute guitar solo.  The Button marks the dawn of a new age in my guitar wankery.  Thanks JTE!

Best Concert of the Year: Buckethead (The State Theatre)

I can’t seem to get enough of Buckethead.  I’ve placed a video guitar lesson from Guitar One here (note: big file 55 MB).  Listen to Buckethead talk about his inspiration provided by a Six Million Dollar Man Episode “Day of the Robot”.  Buckethead also has a new album out “Enter the Chicken” this is my favourite track (11MB).

 

Best Movie of the Year: Sin City

Lots of violence.  Mickey Rourke as Marv was great casting.

 

Top News Story: Giant Squid caught on film

Oh Squiddy, I only wanted some of your precious ink.

 

Best Trip of the Year: Azores, Portugal (photos)

The Azores were beautiful and an awesome place to visit.

Runner up: Austin, TX (photos)

I had a blast hanging out with Angela and Ben

 

Best Non-essential Instrument Acquisition: Gibson SG guitar (photo)

 

Best Non-essential Technology Acquisition: Nikon D70 digital SLR (used to take most of the photos seen here)

 

Best Show Played of 2005: Potential Miss Maryland fundraiser (photos)

We played a cool gig on a rooftop in downtown D.C.  It was a long hot night of rockin’ til the power went out.  Note this show gave us the term “Baby Bird” originally used to describe Hugh, but is now used for anyone who is helpless.

Runner up: Halloween (photo 1 & 2)

 

Best Baseball Game:  Wrigley Field, Cubs vs. Nats July 3^rd (photos)

Nothing is better than a game at Wrigley especially on the 4^th of July weekend with Mike McMillan.

 

Best Halloween Costume: Baby Girl Speed Racer (photo) Abby S.

Runner Up: The “elusive hybrid” Vam-pirate (no photo on file) credit goes to Matthew C. I would imagine that this costume consists of a cape, fangs, eye patch, parrot, hook hand and peg leg. Genius.

 

Trip I was Most Jealous of:  Alaska (photos)

KV got to go to Alaska for 10 days.

 

 

Paraquat:

Paraquat is a toxic chemical that is widely used as an herbicide (plant killer), primarily for weed and grass control. In the United States, paraquat is available primarily as a liquid in various strengths. It is classified as “restricted use,” which means that it can be used only by people who are licensed applicators. Because paraquat is highly poisonous, the form of it that is marketed in the United States has a blue dye to keep it from being confused with beverages such as coffee, a sharp odor to serve as a warning, and an added agent to cause vomiting if someone drinks it. Paraquat from outside the United States may not have these safeguards added.

Parapet:

A parapet is a low wall projecting from the edge of a platform, terrace, or roof. Parapets may rise above the cornice of a building or form the upper portion of a defensive wall on a castle. In Mission style homes, rounded parapets are often used as decorative features.

I get to eat brains.

I can use my 1000 yard stare without reprimand.

I get to wear ripped clothes covered in my blood and entrails.

Being undead means never having to say you're sorry.

People get out of your way.

 

Q:What type of bees eat brains?
A: Zombies (or Zombees is acceptable).

 

Happy Halloween!!!

Who is Buckethead?  Buckethead is a strange underground shredder virtuoso guitarist.  Buckethead wears a Michael Myers (from the Halloween movies) mask with a KFC chicken bucket strapped to his head. 

 

There is a lot of information about Buckethead out there.  He did a brief stint in Guns N Roses 2000-20004.  Here is the wiki low down on Buckethead.

Go to his own website for much more information.

The bucketheadland website has a FAQ section.  I’ve pulled a few choice ones:

 

Does Buckethead have any hobbies?

Taxidermy, Sports, Martial Arts (Nunchukas), break dancing (robot-style), and visiting Disneyland. He has been there over 500 times. "I like Disneyland. I want to be buried there--parts of me in It's a Small World, Haunted Mansion, and Pirates of the Caribbean, plus parts in Tokyo Disneyland, Euro Disneyland, and Florida Disney World. There are enough bones to go around."

 

Which monsters and robots has Buckethead battled?

Buckethead is believed to have fought and defeated Bansheebot, Aquabot, Double Man and Tekadon D. He has also sparred with Slipdisc henchthings such as Centipede Woman, Broiler and Chickenhawk as well as the Haddonfield killer Michael "The Shape" Meyers.

 

What bands or artists has Buckethead recorded/performed with?

This ever increasing list includes Deli Creeps, Henry Kaiser, Bill Laswell, Bootsy Collins, Bernie Worrell, Praxis, Jonas Hellborg, Michael Shrieve, MCM and the Monster, Tony Williams (w/ Arcana), Giant Robot, Giant Robot 2, Primus, Zillatron, Painkiller, John Zorn, Company Week '91, Anton Fier, Julian Schnabel, Insvisibl Skratch Piklz, Michael Kamen, George S. Clinton, Pieces (Buckethead and Brain), Cobra Strike, Viggo Mortensen, El Stew, Ben Wa, Mike Keneally, Iggy Pop, Banyan, phonosychographDISK, DJ QBERT, William Ackerman, Jon Hassell and Bluescreen... There are several discographies available at Bucketheadland.com.

 

What songs does Buckethead cover?

Theme from Giant Robot. Theme from Godzilla. Various Disney themes including "A Pirate's Life for Me," "It's a Small World" and "When You Wish Upon A Star." "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka. "Michael Myers Theme" from Halloween. Themes from Star Wars. "Close to You" by the Carpenters.

 

 I’ve read that Ozzy tried him out to be his guitarist.  Here is the transcription from an interview describing the experience:

 

Revolver: Have you held any auditions?

Ozzy Osbourne: "I tried out that Buckethead guy. I met with him and asked him to work with me but only if he got rid of the fucking bucket. So I came back a bit later and he's wearing this green fucking Martian's-hat thing. I said, 'Look, just be yourself!' He told me his name was Brian, so I said that's what I'd call him. He says, 'No one calls me Brian except my mother.' So I said, 'Pretend I'm your mum then!' I haven't even got out of the room and I'm already playing fucking mind games with the guy. What happens if one day he's gone and there's a note saying, 'I've been beamed up?' [Laughs] Don't get me wrong, he's a great player. He plays like a motherfucker!"

 

Now, Onto The Show

After a slight delay the show started around 10:30 PM.  Buckethead comes out and he looks to be about 7 ½ feet tall.  He has a drummer that looks like a cross between Sgt.  Hartmann from Full Metal Jacket and Karl Childers from Sling Blade.  The bassist was a little guy, kinda looked like Evil Ed from Fright Night.

 

Buckethead plays an all white custom Gibson Les Paul through a Mesa Boogie half stack.  He stands perfectly straight and hardly bends his arms or legs.  Tonight he has a “Funeral” sticker on the front of the KFC bucket.  His guitar strap is elastic.  This gives a crazy looking visual effect whenever he pushes the guitar down or away from him.  This is accentuated by the fact that he is super tall and doesn’t bend at all.  He also has fingers that are twice the size of a normal human being's.

 

After about 3 songs the band walks off stage.  The drummer starts singing some crazy country song to a backing track.  He forgets the words, throws down his mic and runs off stage.  Buckethead comes out alone and starts up a techno-ish drums-bass rhythm track.  He then proceeds to give a nunchuck demonstration on stage.  This is the exact point in time where Buckethead becomes my hero.  As the techno music keeps playing Buckethead starts to do various ‘pop’ and ‘lock’ moves breakdance style.  He also does lots of robot moves.  He then picks up a bucket and starts handing stuff out to the audience.  Note, he is never animated and doesn’t speak.  He moves very slow and gentle like.  I can’t tell what he is handing out.  Later I see a girl holding one of the handouts.  I see a tiny silver head.  It’s frickin R2D2!  Buckethead was handing out toys to the audience.

 

Later in the evening Buckethead is holding a human head and chicken puppet on each hand (as a backing track plays).  He slowly walks around the stage.  I think this suggests the duality of Buckethead.  He is part human, but was raised by chickens.  Where does his allegiance lie?  He must struggle with this everyday of his life.  Suddenly, he throws the human head up in the air and karate spin kicks it off stage.  Yes!

 

There was a 10 minute break and 5-6 people were chosen to go backstage.  When the show resumed an “Ask Buckethead” session commenced where each person who was backstage came on stage and asked Buckethead a question (musical in nature) while wearing a KFC bucket on their head.  People asked him to demonstrate different scales, two-handed tapping technique, and to play a lullaby for when the chickens sleep.

 

Musically Buckethead is an awesome guitarist.  He totally rips metal, blues, jazz, funk, bluegrass and acoustic styles.  A lot of the music is based on metal riffs.  Some of it sounding like a soundtrack to an amusement park ride or video game.  Every now in then he throws in a familiar passage, the William Tell Overture, Teddy Bear’s Picnic, theme from Halloween and many others.  His playing is flawless.  All his shredding is super fast, clean, and loud.  No slop whatsoever. 

 

For the encore he plays ‘Foxy Lady’ for a bit then goes into ‘Machine Gun’ (again Hendrix).  The Machine Gun homage is spot on and amazing.  The show ends with a feedingback guitar lying against his amp as he works the pedal board from across the stage.

 

The show is now over.  Thank you Buckethead.

My new baby! A Gibson 1961 SG reissue. Born in Nashville, TN.

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In 1961, the traditional Les Paul Standard received a makeover that included a thinner body with sharply pointedhorns and eventually a new name - the SG. The reissue features the small pickguard and nickel-plated hardware of the original '61.

This is guitar is my new favourite.  I keep her in a velvet case when she is sleeping.  I also keep her away from my other guitars so they don't get jealous.

I polish her with a fine chamois every night and I feed her honey and give her lots of nightshade..oh wait...'it puts the lotion on itself...'

(This is from Mikey M.)

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flip flop flip flop flip flop flip flop flip flop

It's like a metronome.  Whenever I hear that, I just start gettin' all
spacey, and I start saying, "I ...must...kill...the Queen," over and over.

I like when people are all adamant about wearing flip flops.  I love my
flip flops so much.  I'm going to wear them everywhere.  I'm going to wear
my flip flops to play softball and soccer and My Little Pony Tea Time.

I'm wearing my flip flops with sweatpants to the college classroom.

flip flop flip flop flip flop flip flop flip flop

This Sunday is Father’s Day.  And I spend an uncomfortable 15-20 minutes in the card isle trying to find a card that fits the relationship between me and my dad (aka Chuckie).

 

He doesn’t like to golf, play with computers, go camping, fix stuff around the house, tinker with cars, ride in a sailboat, relax in hammock or other ‘common’ dad activities. 

 

He likes Frank Sinatra, watching the History channel, playing the lottery and going to Las Vegas.  They don’t seem to make a card for that dad.

 

If you don’t get a ‘humorous’ card then you are forced into a worse territory.  The touchy-feely-I love you-thank you for teaching me to be a man.  I’m not sure what dad would want that card from his son.

 

Sometimes I just go with the baby card “I Heart You Daddy” with a picture of a lil’ slugger dinosaur.  It has a certain non-specific humor and shows that you care, but not too sappy.  And if I place a few instant scratch off lottery tickets in there everyone is happy.